Afterthoughts

Wait, but your major is “Communication Disorders” September 24, 2008

So I’ve been getting this a lot from people who are all of a sudden so concerned with my ability to communicate with others.

So my major is COMD but that doesn’t mean I am learning the psycho-social (<–is that even a word?)  aspects of how well a person communicates (well at least not yet)

And without going into too much personal detail about why my communication has lessened over the years I just want to ask this…how well did others communicate with me whenever I wanted to communicate with them? All those years spent trying to open myself with others who frankly didn’t care or just weren’t there mentally to listen and now they want to silently or verbally accuse me of not communicating well? And the irony of it all is either way it was my fault.

And now they want to wonder why I don’t talk anymore? After all the years and time/effort I spent in trying to to keep the communication lines open…it took me a while to understand that there was nothing being reciprocated, and even then I made excuses which is just a second nature to me, to make excuses for others because there could have been a million reasons why I wasn’t talked back to…but now I realize the excuses were just a safe guards to protect myself from the truth which was no matter how much effort I put into it, it wouldn’t matter because in the end it was just me talking to a brick wall.

But nonetheless it’s still mind boggling that I’m accused of this now whether through the permeating silence between us or through the verbal assaults, just because of my choice of college major…

People are like…

“People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.”

This summarizes how it’s been going for the past few weeks now and well honestly ever since I came across this quote…and it really does take a toll on you, because no matter what you do for others it’s never enough, and there’s always got to be that one person to bring you down when you couldn’t  get up in the first place.

It’s saddest to see this occurring during Ramadan, the month where being conniving, greedy, and just down right mean should be the last thing on any one’s mind after all the time is spent refraining from your desires. Unfortunately instead of being concerned at forming the individual identity, all this time is spent on focusing on ruining other people’s identities.

School and COMD September 13, 2008

So I came back from Pakistan on July 29th and started a summer intersession class on August 4th. I’m not going to go into details about my crazy plans about taking classes for all kind of crazy reasons so if you really want to know just ask =)

So this post is going to be split in two different parts: first about my Manual Communication class and second about my fall semester classes.

As many of you know or may not know my major is Communication Disorders (COMD) aka Speech Pathology/Therapy. The class I took was Introduction to Manual Communication. It was a very interesting and fun class and it was really neat to learn so many different signs. We didn’t learn American Sign Language (ASL) which is a whole other language in itself, but we learned form of Manual Communication which was basically signing exact English. We learned over 700 different signs which I need to go back and review if I still want to know them =) We also learned about the Deaf Culture and SubhanAllah there was so much about this Culture I wasn’t even aware of. It got me thinking what about the Muslims who are Deaf. I had never thought about it before and I wanted to know do they have an organization or community within the United States?

Alhamdulillah I was pleased and happy to find that there are a few organizations out there for Deaf Muslims.  I don’t know any Deaf people myself let alone any Muslim Deaf people. I really wanted to know how did Deaf Muslims learn their Deen and if there were any resources for them within our own masajids. Many churches have a interpreter and special classes/lectures/seminars, etc. held for their Deaf. So if you know if any Deaf people within your Muslim community please let me know if there are any resources for them.

One of the main organizations was Global Deaf Muslim and MashAllah there was a lot of information on their website and InshaAllah there is even going to be a Eid Prayer this year for them in California! MashaAllah how cool is that. Check out the website for more information.

The other link I found was an article about Deaf and Islam. It was written by a student who attends Gallaudet University, a university for the Deaf. The article was very interesting and saddening especially when you begin to read real life experiences of Deaf Muslims whose parents really did not understand anything about them and how difficult it was for these individuals to learn more about Islam. May Allah SWT make it easy for all of these individuals and reward them and guide them to the Straight Path as they struggle for the sake of Allah SWT. So I just thought this was something we all really need to more aware about and open our eyes and see that we “normal” speaking and hearing people aren’t the only ones struggling for the sake of Allah. There are so many others who need our help and support and it a must for us to help those who can’t help themselves.

 My fall semester began on August 25th. I went to school for a week and then Gustav hit (InshaAllah I’ll be writing about that real soon). Alhamdulillah I really like my schedule and have figured it out by now. I’m enjoying my classes. I’ve started my COMD block this semester and am taking 3 classes (Phonetics, Development of Language in Children, and Anatomy & Physiology of Speech  and Hearing).

I can’t believe I have finally found a major I am interested in, good at, and enjoying very much. I love children especially the little ones and they really are my passion. I always knew I wanted to work with them but I never knew which field to get into specifically. There were so many options and one day out of the blue I’m introduced to this field and I knew from the moment I heard about it I was interested in it.

InshaAllah I will be learning about the various voice, speech, and hearing disorders. You  never really appreciate language and hearing  until you learn just how important it is. It’s a fascinating field of study. I am in my 3rd year now and after I complete my Bachelor’s I plan to begin my Master’s InshaAllah. So 4 more years to go and I can finally start practicing InshaAllah! I’ve started working within the COMD Dept on campus and it’s just another way of getting to know everyone and getting to know what I will be doing very soon. InshaAllah I will also be a research assistant helping a doctoral student with her work so I can get research experience and start thinking of my own Senior Research Project. So as you can probably tell by now I’m really into this and InshaAllah I hope I can be successful with everything I do.

Aritey then that’s it for this post…I’m so behind on my post updates so look forward to several other posts coming out within the next few days InshaAllah.

Quick quote April 7, 2008

So haven’t posted in a while once again…but just a quick quote.

“Let your life speak…or it will be spoken for.” –one of my teachers (Education, Curriculum, and Theory (EDCI))

The quote is self-explanatory…but SubhanAllah it really says something. It really is something we should think about and strive to make our life mean something not only in this life, but the Akhirah (after-life) that is surely to come.

Sometimes in order to… March 11, 2008

I actually had something else I wanted to write about but this is what I’m feeling now.

“Sometimes in order to help He makes us cry. Happy the eye that sheds tears for his sake. Fortunate the heart that burns for His sake. Laughther always follows tears. Blessed are those who understand. Life blossoms whereever water flows. Where tears are shed divine mercy is shown.” –Maulana Jalaluddin Rumi, rahmatullahi ‘alayhi

Sometimes it’s easier to face the truth [edit: what you perceive to be the truth] than to come up with a means of protection to tell yourself otherwise…because SubhanAllah what you made up in order to “protect” yourself is what comes to haunt you rather than the actual truth to begin with.

May Allah SWT forgive us and guide us to the path of righteousness. Ameen.

A little bit of this and a little bit of that ;-) March 10, 2008

This post is going to be exactly what the title says :)

So we just had a weekend and as usual something of one sort of another occurs…its bound to :P

Firstly:

My dad and I have started this “ritual” of playing soccer together in the backyard…can’t say its a ritual yet considering we’ve only done it twice :P So it begins with dad saying let’s go out and play…so i drudgingly go out and just to tease i wear my flip flops…i go out and we’re ready to start playing and he sees my flip flops he’s like go put your shoes on! you can’t play in those! LOL it’s the funniest thing ever…haha

So I’m a horrible player :P and I laugh way tooo much for my own good but it’s so much fun to just be outside running around like crazy :P but this weekend we played with my brothers…and all i need is practice and i could become decent…made a couple of goals and assists :P it’s just hard to be hijabified outside and have a place to play comfortably

Secondly:

I’m finally getting a new phone InshaAllah…and this is for all of those people who knew the entire sad story about my phone…from it being fine, to the washing machine, dryer, to Connecticut, back to me for 2 more years…ahhh i’m gonna miss my phone :-/but i’m sure my new one will make up for it i guess

Thirdly:

Back to eyelashes :P So an eyelash fell off and i showed it to my little brother, Saad, and he was like eww it’s so thick LOL and i was like that’s a good thing but he didn’t get it…he says the cutest things and it’s just adorable…

Yeah so that was my weekend…how was yours? :P InshaAllah the next post will actually be worth contemplating :)

Alhamdu Lillahi Rabeel Alameen March 5, 2008

Alhamdu Lillahi Rabeel Alameen

All Praise be to Allah, the Cherisher and Sustainer of the worlds.

Alhamdulillah phase one of trials have ended and been solved, and now phase two shall soon begin. But only Allah SWT alone knows what is best for us even if we may not. We just need to make Dua to Him that whatever He wills is what is best for us and those around us.

It’s amazing to feel happy and sad at the same time. Happy for what is going on your life but then so distressed by what is going with loved ones so near and dear to you heart.

I try to think positive and pray that Allah SWT keeps them safe and strong in their Iman for what is happening is the Will of Allah SWT. It’s hard not to think of them when you’re constantly bombarded by memories and constant reminders over and over again. But like it says to the right of the page next to the beautiful rose, “If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee.” [Quote was taken from Pearls of Wisdom]

SubhanAllah I loved that quote so much…it sums up so much into just one little phrase. And because there is only so much one can say about how that quote applies to one’s life, I’ll end here InshaAllah :)

Creepy, strange or what? March 3, 2008

So something really weird that happened to me on Sunday at the library. It’s a long story…tried to shorten it…keyword ‘tried’

Walking into the kid’s section of the library I saw this little girl with her brother. She was beautiful and she looked so familiar to me.

I smiled at her and she smiled back and I walked by to the bookshelf my book was located on. I was bent over the half-shelf (for the little kiddies) trying to find the book I ended when I looked up to find the little girl there.

I was sort of startled but I smiled back and she whispered to me, “Are you a Christian?” In my mind I was taken aback by the answer considering I was in full hijab but then again she was a child, but I replied, “No, I’m a Muslim.”

For some reason my voice kept leaving me that day so I had to keep repeating things. She asked, “Excuse me, ma’am (she kept calling me ma’am)?” and then I firmly replied again, “I’m Muslim.” She was also taken aback and said “Oh” because it seemed she didn’t know what a Muslim was.

Now imagine a random child coming up to you and asking this. I kept staring at her because she looked so familiar wondering where I knew her from. Finally, I told her she looks so familiar and then I asked who her parents were. She told me she and her twin brother were adopted from Armenia. I just nodded and smiled. She told me her parents’ name and I was wondering where they were at the moment because it didn’t look like her parents were around the kid section.

I asked her age. She told me she was 10 years old and so I assumed (assume is such a terrible word and action we all need to stop doing!) she was in 5^th grade and asked her was she in 5^th grade? She scrunched up her face and put her hands by her head and slowly explained to me that she and her twin brother had developmental issues and something happened to their brain. So she was in the 2^nd grade. I asked what school she went to. She told me she was home schooled with her brother. So I said that must be nice and asked her if she liked school. And she smiled brightly and said yes.

So I turned back to the bookshelf and started looking for my book again. The little girl seemed so confident and sure of herself and so she goes if you need any help ma’am please let me know. I told her ok if I needed her help I would let her know. She asked what I was looking for and doing. I told her I was in college and just looking for a book for one of my classes. She asked how old I was. I replied 18 years old. She looked at me and offered again to help and then she walked away.

Once I was done looking for my books I started walking out of the kid’s area. And the little girl appeared before me again. She was whispering and looked so sure yet unsure of herself. She looked up at me and said she liked my scarf. She told me how pretty I was and I just replied back so are you.

She told me she had a twin brother and two older sisters. I told her I had two younger brothers. She told me her sisters’ names and ages and she said they were home schooled as well.

She started to say something but she couldn’t get it out properly. She put her hands against her head once again and blinked a few times before saying sorry. I just smiled patiently and waited for her to get her thoughts voiced. She finally said, “Do you know the Lord Jesus Christ? He was hung on the cross and he died for our sins.” Once again, I was taken back. I didn’t want to hurt this girl and I had to be very gentle with her. I just smiled and nodded until she finished saying Jesus Christ loves us me and he died for our sins. Once she finished I told her we believe in Jesus as a Prophet and we don’t believe he died on the cross for our sins. She seemed baffled for a moment yet once again that same expression of sureness came upon her face and she smiled patiently at me as if I was the one who didn’t know any better. Clearly I couldn’t do anything but repeat that Jesus was only a Prophet for us.

I started to get more than a little unnerved seeing a child so brainwashed approaching me as if I was the one who didn’t know any better by being a Muslim. And there is not much you can do with a child like that especially one who is alone with you in such a public setting. Or maybe there was more I could have done and I didn’t know any better? Allahu Alim

I wanted to talk to her longer but I didn’t want to say anything that could hurt her or cause a reaction from her. So I told her it was nice meeting her and that I had to go. She smiled back and said the same thing to me and we parted. It just kept bothering me that I didn’t know if her parents were around or even if they were around? The twins were standing in front of the librarian help desk when I walked by. There was only one parent there and I thought it was her dad but it was another kid’s dad. Even after I left her and I was sitting down waiting for my dad to come get me I saw her brother walking around the library alone. Maybe he was looking for his parent? I don’t know…but you’d think you’d see the parents somewhere if not next to their children?

Now the reason I kept calling her ’she’ is because ironically we never shared our names to begin with. We just started talking like good acquaintances and it was only after I walked away did I realize I don’t even know her name.

No one else in the library saw us talking except a librarian whose back was to us and she eventually walked away. The whole experienced seemed so surreal, I wonder if she was real to begin with. No, I’m not crazy and yes she was a real person but the situation was definitely eerie and strange.

How long will “me me me” take? February 27, 2008

I wonder how long it will take some people to realize the world does not revolve around them. When will they finally grow up and worry about the rest of the world?

I’m not trying to judge specific people and I know this is a phase we all go through…some much sooner than others…where everything is going wrong and it’s all about “me me me.” Everyone has gone through rough times in their life…so just because you’re going through problems right now doesn’t mean you’re the first and only one.

I always want to put status updates up online, but I make myself not do it because frankly no one cares. The only one who can fix your life for you is you. The only way that is done is by turning to Allah SWT for guidance.

Not everything single thing that goes on in your life is a public matter that needs to be shared with the rest of the world. Learn how to keep that struggle within yourself. That is why we are here in the first place, to struggle in this world for the sake of Allah SWT.

Hey I’m not perfect in anyway…I remember my “me me me” phase…but Alhamdulillah it was a very short phase, but then it occurred to me one day that telling my problems to every person I meet isn’t helping me become a stronger and better person. Of course it is hard at first but you have to accept it or be lost forever.

These words are for those who have lost all communication/social interaction skills because the only thing they have to talk about is their problems and shrug/oh well at anything that is said to them. And I’m not saying we shouldn’t go to people with our problems and seek advice…but there comes a point in your life where you have to think, “Will this sound petty to the person I’m speaking to? Should I mention those things? Or say Alhamdulillah and talk of matters of importance.”

Allahu Alim…my two cents worth of ramblings..My intention wasnt to come off so harshly but rather questioning.

What do you think?

I’m baackk…let’s see for how long this time February 26, 2008

So I’m back…I don’t know for how long though this time…made some changes to the blog (which by the way took forever, another long story of its own)

I’ve had lots of little tidbits to write about…and they’re still in my head…just need to get them across.

Just one quick anecdote. The rest will come later :)

I always used to get eyelashes in my eye (It’s always happening :P) I always remember going to my dad and telling him to remove the eyelash for me. It always awed me that I could go to my dad and he would gently remove the eyelash for me. He would usually be at the computer reading the news (his favorite pastime) and he would sigh softly and look at me. He knew that I could get it out myself but I just liked coming to him to remove it.

So what does an eyelash have to do with anything? The eyelash itself didn’t have to do anything…it was knowing that I could go to my dad for such a little thing and he would be there for me. It’s how I first learned I could go to him with anything if even I didn’t verbally communicate it to him. I actually didn’t stop going to him until a few years back :P and even today I still want to go to my dad to remove the eyelash. Although my dad doesnt probably isn’t aware of any of this lol…it was one of my special place, moment, and time.